 | | |
|
|
Q: I am 26, attractive and have a great job and
career. I find however
that men in my age group don't ask women out. "Dating" seems to have
gone by the wayside. Do you
think that women's attitudes and the feminist movement have confused
men?
Dating Doctor:
Women are perplexed all across America because the answer
to your question is yes
--men are confused (and so are women) as to what they perceive as
politically correct dating practices.
Although the feminist movement has seen more active days (since most of
what they espoused is now
an accepted mindset), men have excellent long-term memories and are
still attempting to sort out
where they stand socially with women.
Certain men may be intimidated by the fact that you are attractive and
are anticipating that they
will be rejected as not good enough to approach you. Others may be
hesitant because you have
established such a successful career or may live by the motto, "I can't
get rejected if I don't
ask!" If they refrain from asking you out on a date, they can't get
"dissed."
Men are confused. Should they sincerely compliment women at work, at
lunch, at the gym or
bookstore or will their advances be perceived as harassment? Should
they be the aggressor and
approach women about a social opportunity or wait for the perfect
moment to suggest a joint
venture where they can go "Dutch" (as not to offend her sense of
independence)? Should they make a
concerted effort to "pick up the tab" (an expected behavior learned from
their parents and
grandparents over decades) or quickly concede so that real or perceived
expectations do not
surface? This, men claim, makes them appear cheap, uncaring and
non-committal.
This confusion among men has spawned the "brother, not lover"
mentality. Straight, single men who
prefer simple platonic partnerships (and a peck on the cheek) to
physical and emotional
interpersonal intimacy. There is less opportunity for misunderstanding
and disappointment.
What's the answer? Communication, assertiveness and flexibility by both
men and women. Don't be
hesitant to ask men out. Simply make eye contact, smile and say
"Hello." You will only have to do
it once. They'll take it from there. Be clear about your expectations
and desires up front. Men
follow directions quite well, it is trial and error that we're not very
comfortable with.
Let him know that you appreciate being treated like a lady (as long as
it is his nature to do so),
but still desire the freedom to live independently. In short, men and
women need to stop playing
games and end the madness. Life is far too short.
| |
| | | |
