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80 Rules and Instructions on Being a Man      
  advice · humor · 80 reasons

  
  1. If anyone asks, you have had sex in all possible positions and locations.
  2. Much like an orgasm signifies the end of a sexual peak, sex often signifies the end of a relationship.
  3. Feelings? What feelings?
  4. Life is one big competition. If someone is better than you at something, either pretend it's not true or kick their ass.
  5. Lie I tell you!!
  6. DO NOT make decisions about relationships. If you are backed into a corner and must make a decision, stall. If you still must come up with an answer, leave yourself a loophole for escape. Example: Question: "Honey, will you take me out for a romantic dinner?" Answer: "Yes, if you can guess how many sperm I produce each day."
  7. Every sentence that anyone says can be twisted to have sexual meaning. Twist.
  8. At any given opportunity, point out how things look like various genitalia. (If, by chance, you have Play-Doh, make sure you make a replica of your penis. Exaggerate the dimensions by 25%).
  9. Lie.
  10. "Love" is not in your vocabulary. don't even think about saying it.
  11. A general rule: If whatever you're doing does not satisfy you completely in 5 minutes, it's really not worth it.
  12. Diss your girlfriend. Beg and plead until you get her back...Diss her again. Repeat cycle.
  13. Lie.
  14. Apologize whenever it's expected. NEVER mean it.
  15. If you hurt someone, pretend you care. Don't.
  16. Try to have a good memory, but it's OK if you forget trivial things. You know, like your girlfriend's b-day and eye color.
  17. Ignorance solves problems. If you can't see them, they can't see you.
  18. It is never your duty to take responsibility for your actions.
  19. Create new words and phrases to describe genitalia, sex, semen, etc.
  20. Lie.
  21. Play with your food only if you are in a public place with people you don't know.
  22. Play with your penis only if you are in a public place with people you don't know.
  23. If people express extreme disgust at whatever you are doing, DON'T STOP! This is the desired reaction.
  24. You are NOT a virgin. Ever. Males are born without virginity.
  25. You are male, therefore you are superior.

For more rules on being a man...


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