|80 Rules and Instructions on Being a Man |
| advice · humor · 80 reasons|
| It's a rough world out there and guys need as much help as they can get...We stumbled across this and thought it was a perfect guideline for modern men to follow...So here are the rules and instructions on being a man. Hey guys, follow these steps and advice, and you'll have the girl that you want begging for you! They're easy to follow and in no time you'll become just the perfect guy that every girl will want to be with. |
- Don't call. EVER!
- If you don't like a girl, don't tell her. It's more fun to let her figure it out by herself.
- Name your penis. Be sure it is something narcissistic and unoriginal, such as "spike"
- If you lose something that belongs to someone else, tell them you mailed it to them/already gave it to them.
- Play with yourself as often as possible. Tell everyone about it.
- Be as ambiguous as possible. If you don't want to answer, a grunt will do.
- Always remember: You are a man. Therefore, no matter what, it isn't your fault.
- Girls find it attractive if a man has had more women than baths.
- Never ask for help. Even if you really, really need help - don't ask. People will think you have no penis.
- Women like it when you ignore them. It arouses them.
- If, GOD FORBID, you have to talk to a girl on the phone, use only monosyllabic words and noises. Bodily noises are permissible.
- TWO WORDS: Hack and spit. (Big loogies means a big penis)
- Everyone finds a man more attractive if he can write his name in urine.
- One sure way to make a girl like you is to go after her best friend. She will then see what she's missing and love you for not giving up on her.
- Tell her you will call. Then, refer back to rule #1.
- Don't wear matching clothes. People will think your girlfriend picked it out , and it will cramp your style on picking up chicks.
- Deny everything. Everything.
- If you like a girl, tell all your female friends about her. Especially female friends you suspect may have a crush on you. (Probably all of them - you're a man remember?) They really want to know.
- Don't have a clue.
- If you get a clue, pretend you didn't and disregard it.
- No means yes. 25. Yes means no.
- If you don't get sex whenever you want, your balls will shrivel. You may get sick or even die. This is one of the most important rules.
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