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Protective Headgear to be Required During Intercourse      
  advice · humor · headgear

   WASHINGTON, DC In a move aimed at making sex even safer, the American Dating Association announced it would urge Congress to adopt legislation requiring all adults to wearing protective headgear during sex.

"Each year, more than 40 people are severely injured in intercourse-related accidents," ADA President Jerome Smiley said. "Yet surprisingly few Ameicans are aware of the dangers. For instance, not many people know that if you sneeze while having an orgasm, you can die."

The ADA, the official governing body of courtship in the United States, has been promoting the interests of single Americans since 1976.

As Mr. Smiley spoke from the lectern, a pair of models sporting Eroticap (TM) brand intercourse protection headgear emerged from behind a curtain. Resembling a Gipper-era football helmet, the headgear consists of a padded vinyl shell that fastens with a velcro strap beneath the chin. "As you can see," Mr. Smiley said, "the helmet is designed to offer maximum protection in a light-weight, comfortable design. You hardly feel like you're wearing anything at all."

Research conducted by the ADA suggests that the use of sex helmets could reduce intercourse-related injuries by 85 percent and save the economy as many as 3000 man-hours of lost productivity. Yet so far its efforts to spread the use of the helmets has met resistance. Though the ADA has spent the better part of the last decade lobbying state legislatures to adopt sex-helmet laws, only California has so far adopted such progressive legislation. It is now a class III misdemeanor in the state to engage in sexual intercourse without a helmet in the state, with penalties ranging up to a $35 fine and 12 hours public service.

"Many people who wouldn't think twice about wearing a helmet while biking still resist the idea of wearing a helmet during sex," Mr. Smiley pointed out. "All we're saying is: Before you put a groove on, put a helmet on for safety's sake."

For more information, contact ADA media coordinator Jeff Wise at jeffw@americandating.org

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