|Advice to the Young Virgin Bride |
| advice · humor · young bride|
|We all know at the turn of the century, sex was still taboo; hello, that's common knowledge. Well, Mr. Smarty Pants, do you know what the church instructed young, virgin brides to do on their wedding nights? The following is a reprint from The Madison Institute Newsletter, Fall Issue, 1894: |
INSTRUCTION AND ADVICE FOR THE YOUNG BRIDE
On the Conduct and Procedure of the Intimate and Personal Relationships of the Marriage State for the Greater Spiritual Sanctity of this BlessedSacrament and the Glory of God by Ruth Smythers. Spiritual Guidance Press New York City
To the sensitive young woman who has had the benefits of proper upbringing, the wedding day is, ironically, both the happiest andmost terrifying day of her life. On the positive side, there is the wedding itself, in which the bride is the central attraction in a beautifuland inspiring ceremony, symbolizing her triumph in securing a male to provide for all her needs for the rest of her life. On the negativeside, there is the wedding night, during which the bride must pay the piper, so to speak, by facing for the first time the terribleexperience of sex.
At this point, dear reader, let me concede one shocking truth. Some young women actually anticipate the wedding night ordeal withcuriosity and pleasure! Beware such an attitude! A selfish and sensual husband can easily take advantage of such a bride. One cardinalrule of marriage should never be forgotten: GIVE LITTLE, GIVE SELDOM, AND ABOVE ALL, GIVE GRUDGINGLY.Otherwise what could have been a proper marriage could become an orgy of sexual lust.
On the other hand, the bride's terror need not be extreme. While sex is at best revolting and at worse rather painful, it has to beendured, and has been by women since the beginning of time, and is compensated for by the monogamous home and by the childrenproduced through it.
It is useless, in most cases, for the bride to prevail upon the groom to forego the sexual initiation. While the ideal husband would beone who would approach his bride only at her request and only for the purpose of begetting offspring, such nobility and unselfishnesscannot be expected from the average man.
Most men, if not denied, would demand sex almost every day. The wise bride will permit a maximum of two brief sexual experiencesweekly during the first months of marriage. As time goes by she should make every effort to reduce this frequency. Feigned illness,sleepiness, and headaches are among the wife's best friends in this matter. Arguments, nagging, scolding, and bickering also provevery effective, if used in the late evening about an hour before the husband would normally commence his seduction.
Clever wives are ever on the alert for new and better methods of denying and discouraging the amorous overtures of the husband. Agood wife should expect to have reduced sexual contacts to once a week by the end of the first year of marriage and to once a monthby the end of the fifth year of marriage.
By their tenth anniversary many wives have managed to complete their child bearing and have achieved the ultimate goal of terminatingall sexual contacts with the husband. By this time she can depend upon his love for the children and social pressures to hold thehusband in the home.
Just as she should be ever alert to keep the quantity of sex as low as possible, the wise bride will pay equal attention to limiting thekind and degree of sexual contacts. Most men are by nature rather perverted, and if given half a chance, would engage in quite avariety of the most revolting practices. These practices include among others performing the normal act in abnormal positions;mouthing the female body; and offering their own vile bodies to be mouthed in turn.
Nudity, talking about sex, reading stories about sex, viewing photographs and drawings depicting or suggesting sex are the obnoxioushabits the male is likely to acquire if permitted. A wise bride will make it the goal never to allow her husband to see her unclothedbody, and never allow him to display his unclothed body to her. Sex, when it cannot be prevented, should be practiced only in totaldarkness. Many women have found it useful to have thick cotton nightgowns for themselves and pajamas for their husbands. Theseshould be donned in separate rooms. They need not be removed during the sex act. Thus, a minimum of flesh is exposed.
Once the bride has donned her gown and turned off all the lights, she should lie quietly upon the bed and await her groom. When hecomes groping into the room she should make no sound to guide him in her direction, lest he take this as a sign of encouragement. Sheshould let him grope in the dark. There is always the hope that he will stumble and incur some slight injury which she can use as anexcuse to deny him sexual access.
When he finds her, the wife should lie as still as possible. Bodily motion on her part could be interpreted as sexual excitement by theoptimistic husband.
If he attempts to kiss her on the lips she should turn her head slightly so that the kiss falls harmlessly on her cheek instead. If heattempts to kiss her hand, she should make a fist. If he lifts her gown and attempts to kiss her anyplace else she should quickly pull thegown back in place, spring from the bed, and announce that nature calls her to the toilet. This will generally dampen his desire to kissin the forbidden territory.
If the husband attempts to seduce her with lascivious talk, the wise wife will suddenly remember some trivial non-sexual question toask him. Once he answers she should keep the conversation going, no matter how frivolous it may seem at the time. Eventually, thehusband will learn that if he insists on having sexual contact, he must get on with it without amorous embellishment.
The wise wife will allow him to pull the gown up no farther than the waist, and only permit him to open the front of his pajamas to thusmake connection. She will be absolutely silent or babble about her housework while he's huffing and puffing away. Above all, she willlie perfectly still and never under any circumstances grunt or groan while the act is in progress.
As soon as the husband has completed the act, the wise wife will start nagging him about various minor tasks she wishes him toperform on the morrow. Many men obtain a major portion of their sexual satisfaction from the peaceful exhaustion immediately afterthe act is over. Thus the wife must insure that there is no peace in this period for him to enjoy. Otherwise, he might be encouraged tosoon try for more.
One heartening factor for which the wife can be grateful is the fact that the husband's home, school, church, and social environmenthave been working together all through his life to instill in him a deep sense of guilt in regards to his sexual feelings, so that he comes tothe marriage couch apologetically and filled with shame, already half cowed and subdued. The wise wife seizes upon this advantageand relentlessly pursues her goal first to limit, later to annihilate completely her husband's desire for sexual expression."