|Phase 6A: The Break-Up|
This just isn't going to work. You can't handle her Royal Highness anymore and you're not afraid to let her know. It's time to cut your ties, get your toothbrush back from her place and become a swingin' bachelor all over again. You've gone from pick-up to break-up. Follow these easy, sleasy steps and it'll be over before you know it.
Not planning to breakup, afterall? Here's plan B...
- If you're really about vengeance, then sleep with her best friend. It's the easiest way to say we are through. Don't worry about their friendship-it's all about you and what you need. Just hope you never see either of them again.
- Breaking up with her isn't good enough? Need to really ruin her life? Call her parents and tell them that your relationship has been a total fašade and you are really her pimp and she is your crack-smoking lady of the night. We promise she won't ever speak to you again.
- Some girls just don't understand what breaking up means. If you've been about as nice as you can be and she still doesn't get the point, it's time for drastic measures. Get a new phone number and have it unlisted. Move apartments and get a new car. Do all of this in one day without telling her anything. She'll get the point when all of a sudden she can't find you.
- If you want to remain friends then you can simply tell her that things just aren't working. Use the old "it's not you it is me." Then again, what fun is staying friends? If you liked her enough to be her friend, you'd still be in her bed!
Phase 6B: Looking Down the Aisle
You took the plunge and realized that this is the woman for you. She gets you in a way that no one else does. You're just amazed by the things she does to you. Now is the time to stake your claim, let her know who the boss is and how things will be run in your household (yeah right!) Just follow our list of do's and don'ts to ensure a happy future..
- DO remind her of the importance of Monday Night Football and beer. Don't call her your beer wench. She is your fiance.
- DON'T tell her she looks fat, even if she asks. You may be in a committed relationship but it will never be okay to say this.
- DO call if you are going to be late. It's not like checking in with your mother. This is your woman, the love of your life, and you owe her that respect.
- DON'T tell her about your lunch at Hooter's with the boys. She doesn't need to know about breasts jiggled in your face.(Unless she views ommission as a sign of guilt, then you'd better spill it!)
- DO tell her you love her. At least once every day. Girls need constant reiteration.